Sometimes the term “word search” takes on a whole new meaning. Not only are we copy editors required to be grim about grammar and insert apostrophes where they belong, we sometimes find ourselves wondering what on earth the writer was trying to convey.
Some of the examples below illustrate how amusing (or frustrating, depending on your mood) this can be. (If you persevere to the end, the original intention of the writer will be revealed.)
This reef is populated by many species of pedantic fish.
(Damn those fish, they’re such nit-pickers!)
At the first sign of danger, the Capi Barrers make for the nearest body of water. (Say what?)
As we rounded the rocks, we came upon a group of pruning penguins.
(“This hedge just has to go Henry, it’s blocking my view of the sea.”)
Jack-assed penguins get their name from the loud braying sound they make, which sounds like a donkey. (So who is Jack anyway?)
This species is known as the flat-necked chameleon. (Poor thing was run over don’t you know.)
The reef was covered in an array of colourful anenemies.
(They’re quite a hostile bunch actually.)
Cheater cubs are just little balls of hub-hazzard fluff. (!)
The sable antelope have distinctive curved cemeters.
(Well I won’t argue with you on that one…)
Emperor penguins live in a hookery in Fortuna Bay.
(Well the prostitute penguins may live there…)
The oteanika range is found along the Garden Route in South Africa’s Cape Province. (Recognise them thar meowntains folks?)
The far fish has a formidable array of poisonous spines on its back.
(Well as long as it lives up to its name we’ll be OK, right?)
What the writer was actually trying to say…
Pedantic = pelagic (found in the upper layers of the sea).
Capi Barrers = capybaras (world’s largest rodent, found in the Pantanal).
The “pruning” penguins were actually preening.
And the braying penguins are known as jackass penguins.
The chameleon is actually a flap-necked species.
The anemones aren’t really hostile after all.
The sable antelope has horns like scimitars (a type of sword).
Penguins live in a rookery, not a “hookery”.
Did you recognise the mountains as the Outeniqua range?
The far fish is actually a devil firefish, which does have poisonous spines.
All of which brings to mind a famous utterance by Homer Simpson (talking to God):
“You’re everywhere. You’re omnivorous.”